If You're Gonna Kidnap Your Friends, Do it the Russell Way
by MiscellaneousTopics
Summary: AU. When five friends (Roy,Ling, Envy, Russel, and Edward) go their separate ways in life and never see each other again, it's up to Russell to reunite the five through a crazy, antic filled road trip. But when everyone say they're too busy, Russell decides to travel across the country to pick up each friend for the trip. PAIRINGS: EdWin (past), Royai, AlWin, and maybe Edvy.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just the introduction and is kind of the background of the story. Just to let you guys know it will be told like it's happening now and some chapters might be flashbacks. **

Everyone at one point had a good friend; someone they could not only trust but also to laugh with, have fun with, and of course get in trouble with. If a person was lucky enough he or she might have two of these friends but it's really a blessing if a person could just catch one in his or her lifetime. So when someone looks at the friendship five young boys had that person might get jealous, envious so to speak.

In the small town of Resembool there weren't a lot of folks to begin with so it was truly something when five lifetime pals grew up together. And of course it was even rarer when they still stuck with each other in high school while the friendships around them seemed to deteriorate as they grew up. Yep, everyone in town agreed they had something special. Even the victims of these boys and their pranks could appreciate the bond the boys shared.

It was always a puzzle how five different people could ever get along. It seemed impossible when a person found out that Edward Elric, the child prodigy who was always ahead of his class academically, was best friends with Roy Mustang.

Roy was a good communicator with parents (especially other people's moms) and natural born leader. This skill later gave him a reputation of a player in high school.

Envy was the next member of the group. He was pretty enough to be a girl but also tough enough to beat up a person twice his size. Envy had the biggest family and it didn't help that all of his siblings were just as crazy as he was except for Sloth.

The fourth on this list was Ling; a guy could put Shaggy to shame with his eating habits and was the performer of the group. Now even though Ling wasn't originally part of the group he eventually won over everyone even though he and Envy still fight sometimes.

The last person was on this list wasn't always the best to get along with since he always seemed to pick fights with just about everyone, especially Ed. However Edward learned to get along with Russell after his little brother, Alphonse, befriended Fletcher who was Russell's little brother.

These were five different people, five friends who have been together since the beginning (with the exception of Ling who came later in 3rd grade). Theses five friends have stuck by each other throughout childhood, the pre-teen years, and of course high school.

But by the time it was graduation the five friends all went their separate ways. It had only been a matter of time when they did went off anyway and the likelihood of everyone staying in little ol' Resembool was almost zero. Resembool couldn't handle Edward's intellect and knowledge just like how it didn't have enough people for Roy to boss around.

So with a simple goodbye they all went off in the world to spread the joy they brought to Resembool to the rest of the world. The only person who stuck around Resembool was Russell. Even Fletcher had moved to another town two cities over. So now Russell was all alone, working in the town's best and only bar. At his work he kept a picture with him. The picture was of the friends, taken right before graduation.

That was the day Edward wore his hair down and was harassed to no end by Roy. Since Edward had a temper, he decided to voice his annoyance by slapping Roy with his own glove. It's truly amazing that the camera had picked up a clear image of Roy being slapped by a red-faced midget. What was even rarer was that Ling had opened his eyes for the picture and Envy actually refrained from flipping the bird at the camera. The only normal thing in the picture was Russell laughing in the background and pointing at Ed.

It was the last picture of them all together. And even more unfortunate was the fact it was distant memory for Russell. He'd remember what they all said after graduation.

"I'll call you once I get to Stanford!" "I'll come back every summer!" It had been eight years since that promise was broken. On most days the weathered down bartender would have just sighed and continued to drink away. However today was different, Russell did not sigh nor did he bitterly reminisce. There was no reason why today was different, it wasn't a holiday or an anniversary or something or even a sunny day.

Today was April 15th, a cloudy Tuesday morning with almost no business. It should be an ordinary day but for the first time in a years Russell felt motivated. Not just motivated to clean up his house or finally get that creaky door fixed or even pay his traffic ticket. He felt motivated to get everyone together. And not just together as in a crappy reunion in Resembool or anything. Hell no. He meant an awesome trip to Disney World or some crap like that.

Russell smiled at the thought earning a worried glance from his coworker James.

"Are you alright?"

"No," Russell said calmly before impulsively chugging a fourth of vodka which James thought was odd since Russell often said he hated the drink. "I'm fucking awesome! James, will ya' cover for me buddy?" Russell winked to a shocked James before walking out of the bar with a certain hop in his steps.

James stared with bewildered eyes. That was the first time in the three years they've worked together Russell had said anything besides a curse or insult. He questioned if what just happened was real before glancing back at the vodka.

"Huh," he muttered before taking a long swig.

If anyone had inhabited the apartment of building 104, they would have been scared out of their wits. Russell literally punched the door open with an odd super strength most get while drunk. The door practically fell of it's hinged from such a huge punch. Even if it did fall, Russell wouldn't care; he had his mind occupied. The blond pushed his hair back and he struggled to find a piece of paper and pen.

'Damn,' he thought with a tinge of annoyance. 'I should have organized better.'

Eventually he did find a piece of scrap paper, never mind that it was the speeding fine bill he still hadn't paid, and pen. It was at this point Russell's "genius" mind was put to work. Coming up with the vacation part was easy; Russell figured they'd spend a couple of days in Disney, then visit Universal Studios, and then head for the border to spend some partying in Mexico. If there was anything Russell was good at, it was fun.

The finical part wasn't as easy though; this guy had never been good with calculating bills and shit like that so figuring out expenses was tough. Another bad part was the fact that he didn't have much to begin with.

"Well shit," He muttered after four hours of calculating gas money, emergency fund, and ticket prices.

"Well it looks like that leaves planes and cruises out of the question…" He scratched his head and chewed on his pen.

"I mean I'm sure Ed or Roy will have the $3,000 but I've only got half." He groaned and rubbed the circles underneath his eyes; he began to contemplate what other expenses he'd need to get rid of when it hit him. He found the $1,500 he needed right outside the window.

"Are you serious?" The spiky haired man laughed. Russell and Greed weren't on good terms much less friends.

"Look if I wasn't serious I wouldn't be wasting my time asking," Russell swallowed his pride. Greed took off his sunglasses and leaned in to study Russell's face.

"Huh, so you're not shitting me? Well it's a beautiful chopper and you know I've had my eye on it since senior year…" Greed smiled smugly; Russell wanted to punch him in the face.

"But tell me why? The bike's your life and pride isn't it?"

"I uh need the money for something." Greed raised an eyebrow to this.

"You're gonna sell your bike for stripper money?" Russell immediately turned red and stuttered a string of gasps.

"No! Unlike you, man whore! I'm using the money for something important!" Russell yelled. Greed twitched at the term "man whore" and his face turned instantly dark. He stepped up to Russell and asked in a disturbingly low tone.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Russell paled a bit, he hated when his big fat mouth caused trouble, gulped before looking at Greed with a stone, serious face.

"I'm using the money for a road trip to reunite the Ametrians."

Greed was definitely thrown off by the statement. For once the proud, the loud, and the mighty sin had been completely speechless. He once again searched the blonde's face for any sign of joking; he found none. Greed laughed for a bit before smoothing his hair back.

"So you're really serious about this?" Russell nodded without hesitance. That was all Greed needed, he pulled out a stack of bills from his leather, fur trimmed vest.

"Where do you get that much money?" Russell's mouth dropped at the sight.

"You don't need to know…" This basically meant Greed was a pimp.

"Here," Greed shoved numerous Franklins into Russell's arm. Russell frowned, even he could tell it was more than one and half grand.

"Dude, the bike's only $1,500 this is way too much." Greed threw a strange face before smiling a Cheshire cat smile.

"If you're legit about taking my little brother on a trip, then trust me you'll need the money to fund his expensive taste," Greed said in the friendliest tone he'd ever said to Russell. The blond looked at the stack of hundreds with a gaping mouth.

"I-I really can't thank you enough…" Greed shrugged and waved it off like it was nothing. It's really ironic that Greed was okay with giving away 5 grand.

"Don't sweat it; just make sure to say hi to my little bro for me." Greed began to get on his new motorcycle when he felt a hand grab his shoulder.

"Wait! The least I could do is ask if you wanna come along." Greed chuckled at the fact his once worst enemy is asking him to come along on a road trip.

"Nah I'm not one for the company of others. Seriously, don't sweat it. Now get busy booking tickets and traveling shit." Then with a wave of a hand, Greed took off on his new chopper leaving Russell with the biggest smile on his face.

**That was the first chapter guys! Hope you like it! There will be more to come and possibly some Edward and Envy action but not until later if I decide to. Just to let you guys know these are the pairings: Edward and Envy (maybe), Roy and Riza, Edward and Winry (past), Alphonse and Winry (current), Ran Fan and Ling, and Russell as a swinging bachelor XD. **


	2. Edward the smallest big business man

"Alright! I'm done with all the technical crap. Now let's see the fun part." Russell said as he twirled the fading bronze key around his finger. It hadn't been easy finding a cheap yet reliable RV with the budget Russell had and with the time he had. He might have found a better deal if he had taken the time to really go to all the RV rental shops in the area but Russell had planned on hitting the road as early as possible. "Early as possible" translates to "I'll spend like maybe 30 minutes finding a good RV and then I'll start the kidnapping!"

Russell climbed into the moderately sized RV. He took a glance at the shag carpeting and weirdly patterned chairs. The RV wasn't the most luxurious thing, not with the money he spent, but it was alright. The only problem was that there were only two beds and a couch. This predicament meant either some guys will get the beds/couch and some with sleep in the chairs, Russell could practically feel his back ache at the thought, or guys will have to buddy up.

"Eh, I'll let them make the decision. Either way I'm still taking the couch," Russell mentally laughed at the thought of Ed and Roy sharing a bed. He glanced briefly outside the window, taking one last look of old Resembool before keying the engine and hightailing out of there.

"Alright, who's up first on my torture list?" Russell dangerously and carelessly looked at his list while driving at a rapid speed. First up was Edward, everyone's favorite midget, seems like Edward made it big in the growing Automail industry in Chicago. At least that's how it seemed when Russell saw Ed's face on Automail Weekly in the grocery store.

"Well great, looks like I'm stuck with 'Don't call me small!' 'Who made you in charge?' 'I'm not tiny, you're just giant is all!' for the next 780 miles. Well it'll be alright. If he misbehaves, I'll make him sleep in the trunk for the 780 miles!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Goddammit! What do you mean they're longer a business partner? Well get me on the phone with Mr. 'Winston the III' my ass," Edward slammed the phone down angrily before massaging his temples out of frustration. The daily stress of the big business world was taking it's toll on Ed. Even though he had only risen to the top two years ago, it had felt like he had been slaving away for twenty. Sometimes Edward wondered why he went into the industry then he'd grimaced at the memory.

After the accident in eleventh grade, Winry had devoted all her time to helping Edward adjust and cope with the loss. The blonde girl had already been gushing toward Ed about how wonderful automail was and her first actual project (Edward's arm and leg" just fueled her need to explain the wonders of the craft. Edward had expected to hear hours upon hours about the subject but he never expected he would actually listen and then actually feel interested. The gifted teen at the time was already a science and engineering major and he had figured he would go into medical school. But then he decided to focus more on the engineering classes he had and eventually achieved a full scholarship to University of Illinois. Where he never moved and began to go into the bustling industry.

"Mr. Elric, you have a visitor waiting for you, Alphonse Elric." Edward quickly put his thumb down on the button and said "Send him in Mavis." Within moments a cheery faced Alphonse ran through the door.

"Brother!" Alphonse grabbed Ed in a bear hug so fast that Edward barely had any time to protest.

"Al! You're smothering me! We just saw each other last week!" Edward wriggled and fought against what seemed like Al's arms of steel in a vain attempt at freedom.

"Yeah but it was only for thirty minutes! We hardly see each other anymore!" Alphonse pouted looking like a cute overgrown child.

"Al, you know that this business is really busy and fast paced. I'm sorry we haven't spent that much time but you don't need to act like an overly attached girlfriend," Edward chuckled.

"Brother! I'm worried about you! You always work late hours and you look so tired all the time! I mean, you always acted like you were forty before but now you kind of look like it too!"

"Thanks Al for the confidence boost. And for your information I do not act like I'm forty! I am fully aware that I am twenty six!" Edward crossed his arms in a childish manner. Alphonse smirked in a teasing way before flicking Ed's hair.

"You're twenty seven smart one."

"Oh shove it Al! You know what I meant! So do you have any real news because I really got to get back to work." Edward reclined in his office chair, pen in his hand and ready to file those papers.

"Actually that's what I came to talk about. Winry and I think you've been working too much and you should really consider taking a break. You know a vacation; we know you have the money for it and if you don't we'll pay for the entire thing! Just please, take it easy Ed." Alphonse looked into his brother's eyes with the most concerned eyes he could muster up. Edward sighed and was about to politely decline his brother's offer when Ed's secretary interrupted the moment.

"Mr. Elric, you have another visitor. He's not scheduled in for an appointment but he's extremely rude and demands to see you at this moment. Should I call security?"

"It's alright Mavis, send him in." Edward had expected it to be the guy from NAA (National Automail Association) but instead he got something...unexpected to say the least.

"Hey Ed! Remember me?" Russell practically broke the door as he barged into Ed's office. Edward paled at the sight while Alphonse smiled and stuck his hand out.

"Russell! it's been too long! How's Fletcher doing? How are you?" Alphonse proceeded with his polite chatter while Edward remained frozen with shock.

"Nice to see you too Al. Fletcher's been alright although he wishes you guys could hang out again." Russell gazed at the shocked blonde before waving his hand across Ed's face.

"Hey Ed! Can you hear me?" Alphonse laughed as he patted Russell on the back.

"You'll have to excuse him, he's gonna be like that for a while. So, what brings you down to Chicago?'

"I'm actually here so I can kidnap Ed and all the other guys so we can have like a reunion and go to Disney and shit." Al's hazel eyes widened along with his smile.

"Are you serious? We were just talking about how brother works too hard and is becoming a serious middle aged man. I think he really needs to take a vacation!" Alphonse leaned in and whispered, "Or get fucked hard." Edward snapped out of his frozen state long enough to yell at his little brother for such a comment and to yell at Russell for laughing.

"Are you crazy? Oh wait you're Russell, of course you are. But you can't honestly expect me to just drop everything I'm doing to go on the unplanned and spontaneous escapade! I have a deadlines to meet! And plus the fact I have to rekindle the partnership between this company and NAA! I've got too much stuff on my hands to go on vacation especially one that's unplanned!" Edward's rant went on deaf ears since Russell and Alphonse were discussing what Ed should pack for the trip. Edward was furious at the sight.

"Are you even listening to me?" He yelled at both of them.

"Yeah, yeah but you see that just further proves me point." Edward looked at Russell as if he has just grown a second head.

"All that work junk is making you like this and plus it's been awhile since you've seen the guys right?"

"Yes but-"

"No butts! Unless you wanna rent some strippers if that's what you're into-"

"Russell!" Edward screamed at the inappropriate turn of the conversation.

"Okay fine! We can get male strippers too, happy?" Russell grinned as Edward slammed his head into his desk as a sign of frustration.

"So where's your place? We'll need to leave soon if we want to catch the others in time." Edward pretended to cry and mutter "why me?"

"He lives three blocks down from here! I can show you if you like!" Alphonse lead Russell out of the office.

"Al, you traitor!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I can't believe you're making me do this," Edward pouted as Alphonse and Russell helped pack two suitcases worth of clothes and other personal items into the RV.

"Brother, it'll be fun! You really need to learn how to relax more and act like your age."

"Al you're really not helping here!"

"Shorty come on! Don't be such a killjoy," Russell teased while blocking Edward's attacks.

"Don't call me short! That won't help in convincing me to go," Edward scowled. Russell stopped and paused, looking like he was in a pensive state, he then turned to Ed with his hand sticking out.

"How about this, if I refrain from calling you short, will you come along?" Russell's eyes met Edward's. Ed looked to see if Russell was bluffing or not but couldn't tell.

"And no nicknames too Tringham. So no 'Chibi' 'Shrimp' 'Bean' or anything like that, got it?" Russell smiled and said "Got it short stuff." He tousled Ed's hair in the most annoying way before hopping on the RV.

"Coming Shor-Ed?" Edward's eyebrow twitched in annoyance before sighing and shuffling on.

"Don't make me regret this Tringham."

"Don't worry; I will," Russell said with a wink. Ed waved and said goodbye to Al before Russell floored it and they sped off on the road. The only thing that could be heard off in the distance was:

"JESUS CHRIST, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN YOU SOCIOPATH!"

~Next chapter: Envy! Can you guess where the palm tree ended up?~

Thank you for your patience and remember to always brush your teeth twice a day!


	3. Ed and Russell in the Green Apple

Author's note: I decided to sprinkle a little bit of Edward and Envy background and tension into the story. Hopefully, this action will not persuade any readers to stop reading because this pairing acknowledged. There will still be lots of other more canon pairings like Roy and Riza, Edward and Winry (past), Alphonse and Winry, Ling and Ran Fan, and maybe if i get enough suggestions, Russell could finally find his match. Thank you for reading and remember to always floss.

It had been four hours since departing from Chicago. Four hours of silence, well at least one sided silence.  
"So genius you wanna tell me where the hell we're going?" Edward mumbled with an annoyed tint in his tone. Russell ignored the shorter blonde as he continued to race down the highway, earning many deserved honks and beeps as well as few curses and middle fingers. Edward grew more restless as Russell continued not to answer his question or even acknowledge it. Eventually Edward got up from the passenger seat and waved his hand near Russell's stoic face.

"Hello? Anyone in there?"

"Pipe down blondy; I'm trying to drive here." Russell pushed down on Ed's head as if Ed was a misbehaved child.

"Hey! Don't push me asshole! And you're blonde too if you've forgotten idiot!" Russell once again ignored Edward's complaints but did offer a bit of information about their destination.

"Well from these fashion magazines at the last gas station pit stop we had, looks like we're heading toward New York. The Green Apple to be specific." Russell tossed the latest issue of Syn Fashion to Ed. Edward picked it up with caution before scoffing.

"It's Big Apple you idiot-" Edward stopped his retort short when he saw what or more like who was on the front cover.

"Shit," Edward muttered underneath his breathe while his mind became flooded with forgotten (attempted to be forgotten) memories.

(Edward and Envy fluff happens here)

Envy Syn himself, laying across the cover in a suggestive seductive manner with a string of flowers lying around him for the new spring look. Envy's skin looked even paler than usual, if that was possible, like it was made out of delicate paper. His eyes bore a strong resemblance to the purest amethyst in both color and shine. Despite being dressed up like an emotionless model, Edward could still see the sin's mischievous attitude at the corner of those supple lips. Edward cursed at himself and prayed to the God he didn't believe in that it was heavily Photoshopped. Edward could barely handle seeing Envy as just plain Envy but when the makeup and perfected lighting came into play, Edward could hardly look at the photo without blushing or fidgeting. Edward hated that he couldn't make eye contact with a photo like a smitten little schoolgirl. The fluttering in his chest made him feel weak that he still wasn't over it.

(Edward and Envy fluff ends here...for now)

"Hey lover boy, if you're done drooling over there, then could you help me with this GPS over here? The thing randomly fell off." Edward felt his face heat up but brushed his bangs over his face in a vain attempt to mask his flushed cheeks. Ed took the GPS and put on the little platform suction-cupped to the dashboard.

"Thanks, eh maybe it wasn't a bad idea taking you on this adventure short stuff," Russell smirked.

"Hey! I thought we agreed that there will be no small retorts!" Edward fumed at the comment.

"Yeah, yeah just wanted to see if you remembered." Ed flipped the bird at Russell while the taller blonde laughed it off.

Edward reclined back into his seat with his arms crossed and his face pouted like a bored child.

"How much longer until we reach New York?"

"Depends on how traffic goes, at this rate we might get there in 7 hours if we don't stop for the night." Edward quirked an eyebrow.

"You're telling me that the great mastermind of laziness and everything that has to do with getting out of working,is going drive for seven hours straight?"

"Of course not, you're taking over blondy when I get tired."

"Oh joy," Edward mumbled before facing forward and watching the highway scenery. It didn't take long for Edward to fall asleep.

Edward had been enjoying a dreamless slumber when he suddenly felt something poke him in the rib, then in the cheek, and then at his pelvis.

"Yo Ed! Wakey, wakey. I know you're probably in the middle of having a bonerific wet dream but I'm tired and it's your turn to drive."

"You're such a pervert!" Edward turned red before looking around to see total darkness.

"What time is it?" Edward rubbed his eyes, it must have been hours since he was awake.

"Around 12 am, give or take. I'm tired and it's your turn."

"12 am? Geez when did I fall asleep?" Edward hopped over to the driver's side, stole a swig of Russell's now lukewarm coffee, and buckled up for the road.

"Around 9:30, you were knocked out like a baby. I mean damn, if I had known you'd fall asleep that early, I wouldn't have brought the roofies!" Edward slugged the snickering Russell before turning his attention to the wheel. Edward sighed, only four more hours to go.

By the time the two had reached New York City, it was around 5:46 am and surprisingly Edward didn't feel too tired. Edward sighed and pondered at the sight in front of him. It was before 6 am, the time most people are still asleep, and the city was already bustling with all sorts of people from different walks of life. There was a fancy business man who was carrying a coffee in one hand and a iPhone 5 in the other. After considering the high quality of the suit, Edward deducted that he probably worked for wall street with a six figure salary, the coffee was a nonfat, no cream with extra foam latte, and he probably had a busier job than Ed's job in Chicago.

The next person to briefly made notice into Edward's life was a high end fashion addict with the latest Gucci bag. Everything on the twenty something year old screamed tres chic or has a "sugar daddy." However, there was something strangely familiar about the woman's outfit, something unnerving.

"Hey Blondy! You wanna actually drive this thing or just sit around ogling bitches?" The now awake, but still cranky, Russell sat up. His hair was stringy and messy like a ball of wool with all the random strings sticking out. His eyes were slightly closed as if he were still asleep. Russell and Edward didn't get along to begin to with but only hell can occur when a cranky,still half-asleep Russell and Edward are placed in the same car.

"Keep your shirt, pervert! And for your information I wasn't ogling women unlike you!" Edward floored it and jerked the RV back onto the street, earning many honks and middle fingers from the lovely people of New York. (Author's Note: I grew up in New York and I just love how everyone here is so "kind" and "warm" to non-New Yorkers... XD)

Once they were back on the road, Russell got up from his seat and stood next to Edward who was in the driver's seat.

"What now Tringham?" Edward scowled without averting his eyes from the road.

"You can stop now Blondy because I'll take over from here." Russell grumbled before getting an idea.

"Besides, this is a safety hazard," Russell spoke in such a casual tone that Edward's eyes widened a bit in shock.

"What do you mean a 'safety hazard?'"

"Oh you know..." Russell smirked; it was time to go in for the kill.

"What?" Edward started to squirm; he never had a lot of patience.

"Since you probably can't see over the wheel." The taller blonde made his arms cross like an X to block off all of the small blonde's attacks.

"You Asshole!"

...

"Wake up Envy dearest! It's time for the photo shoot." Envy groaned before pulling the sheets over his head. According to his internal clock, it probably had only been five hours since the last one.

"Envy wake up! We need to be in Paris in seven hours! We don't have time for this!" Sloth, his manager and also older, motherly sister, yanked the blankets off exposing the cool air onto Envy's fragile body.

"Ugh. I thought we were just there like 10 hours ago," Envy rubbed his eyes before glancing into his huge floor length 360 mirror. The famous fashion model currently looked like death. Envy's eyes was reduced to a dusty purple at best. His hair looked greasy and flew everywhere with a single motion. And finally, his once seductive lips were molded into a scowl as Envy, once again, got ready for another day of cameras, bright lights, and tons of makeup.

"Couldn't be a more ordinary day," Envy mumbled without knowing the full irony of that statement since at that exact moment something unusual was happening. Just around the corner of Envy's apartment was a certain rusty RV with a certain annoying blonde and a certain pipsqueak arguing over directions just waiting to bump into the sin.

Author's Note: Okay so now that Envy is introduced into a story as a fabulous beauty queen the adventure's about to kick start.


	4. Russell andSloth!

Envy grimaced as he pulled the hairbrush through his unruly locks. His unusual hair, contrary to popular belief, was probably the worst feature of himself. It was always messy, always has a lot of knots, fell into strands like dreadlocks, and was green. The last part wasn't so bad but it did earn Envy many "palm tree" comments over the years from such assholes like his brother Greed. The green color also made many question if it was his natural hair color or not and despite always answering with an honest yes, many still did not believe Envy.

Envy sighed while glaring at his reflection in the mirror. Despite his best efforts, the majority of his was still unkempt and resembled a more chaotic of steel wool.

"Oh Envy, you were always the one that took the longest to get ready in the morning," Envy rolled his neck lazily to the right to find Lust standing there in the doorway. She was muttering "tsk, tsk" underneath her breathe as she walked in with Envy's daily cappuccino. Lust was also a model for Syn but she mainly did it in the fall/winter since the winter/colder looked better on her than the summer look. Currently, the winter model was decked out in the latest trends and all the high end fashion musts of the season.

"Oh be quiet, Lust. You wouldn't understand the difficulties of having thin, stringy hair. Your hair was born perfect," Envy grumbled with a tint of jealousy in his voice. Lust smiled before placing the caffeine-filled drink on the table, sitting down on the piano seat-like chair, and finally helping the green haired sin with his problem.

"You know, it's that great to have my hair, " Lust spoke softly while adding a bit of water to the brush.

"Oh really?" Envy said sarcastically. "Do tell."

"I may not need a lot of styling, curling, or beauty products to get my curls but since it's that way naturally I can't really do much else with it. No matter how much time and effort I put into straightening it within the next hour it will be back to it's curly form." Lust finally had gotten to the last tangle on Envy's hair.

"Plus the fact that thin hair is always so soft and you never need to worry about it being too rough like my horse hair and-" Lust was cut short of her rant by a now aggravated Sloth.

"Guys, it's almost time to leave. We really need to go like now," Sloth said in a stern tone.

"We'll be out in a second," Lust and Envy said simultaneously.

Sloth sighed since she knew that meant another ten minutes. Sloth stood by the apartment window, looking outside and into the heart of the city. It was like any normal day except for one little thing right outside the apartment. Sloth squinted her eyes to full capture the scene happening below. What appears to be happening is that an angry midget was trying to beat up some blonde asshole wearing suspenders like a hipster.

...

"Whoa Ed! Calm down! It was just a joke alright?" Russell was currently trying to block Edward's attacks and also try to pin the raging midget into the seat to prevent any accidents from happening.

"You Jerk! You absolute piece of shit! You promised you wouldn't make anymore short comments! I knew this was a bad idea; oh why did I agree to go on this stupid trip? I regret everything!" Edward slowly calmed down and finally declined into his seat as a sign of forfeiting to the reality of the situation. Edward mumbled "crazy, lying bastard" over and over again like a broken record. Russell sighed and was about to apologize when suddenly there came a tapping.

"Excuse me sir, but is everything alright in there?" Russell looked up to find a beautiful yet tired looking brunette with the prettiest shade of harlequin green eyes.

"No uh, we were just uh kidding uh around and yeah." Russell mentally cursed himself as he stumbled over his words.

"Hey wait a minute...I know you! You're Sloth, right?" Edward shouldered his way into the conversation. Ed recognized those haunting eyes and that chestnut hair since it practically mirrored the eyes and hair of his own late mother. Sloth leaned closer, squinting to get a closer look.

"Edward?" She asked with a tang of doubt. It had been a long time since she had seen her little brother's friends and since she never really close to begin with, it was understandable how Sloth wouldn't recognize them at first glance. Russell took a second to process what was happening before jerking his head in a double take.

"Wait! You mean you're Sloth as in Envy's big sister? Like as in the one who used to babysit us?" The brunette woman's eyes widened at last with replenished memory.

"Oh! I remember you guys now! My, my we've grown haven't we?" Sloth smiled cheerfully while gently grabbing the edge of Russell's face in an innocent cheek pinch.

"So what brings you boys into the city?" Russell winced at her words. Sloth's intentions were innocent enough however, he was disappointed that she still thought of him as a "boy."

"Actually we're here to talk and catch up with E-Envy," Edward stuttered at the name before glancing to the side in a shy manner. Sloth nodded while Russell stared at her as if he was expecting her to sprout wings and fly back into heaven with all the other angels. Russell slapped himself mentally; he was never this silent nor this sappy.

"Well I'm glad you're coming by for a visit but Envy and I have to catch a plane in like thirty minutes or else we might be late for the fashion shoot and thus ending our contract." Edward's soft, honey colored eyebrows drooped down in disappointment; he tried to tell himself that he wasn't let down but his telltale face betrayed him.

Sloth took notice of the smaller blonde's expression and reasoned that it wouldn't hurt to say hello for a second. Plus Envy had been lonely and grumpy for the entire season so this interaction might do good for him.

"Oh, well we understand. Business comes first above everything else. Tell him Ed and Russell said hi-" Edward was cut off as the passenger door practically flew open, making the small blonde fall out of the RV and onto the cement sidewalk. A small "ow" could be heard from below while the other blonde started hysterically laughing at the sight.

"Oops! Sorry, I didn't know you didn't have your seat belt on." Sloth's face of genuine concern for Ed made Russell furrow his eyebrows in jealousy.

"It's fine. Blondy's taken worse dives before," Russell stepped out of the RV and placed his hand on the brunette woman's shoulder in order to comfort her. Sloth blushed from the body contact but still went about her polite ways.

"Well I still feel bad for causing an accident so how about I'll make it up to you two? I think Envy's schedule has a opening for about ten minutes." Russell smiled at the woman's cute attempt to make things up while Ed peered at the current situation; he had never seen Tringham go this long without making some sort of wise ass remark. Ed wasn't complaining but it was just so weird how one girl could make a guy be so different. Ed didn't change that much when Winry came into the picture. Then again that may be why they got divorced after a year.

"We really appreciate what you're doing for us here," Russell smiled causing Sloth to blush and Ed to pretend to throw up.

"Envy's place is on the sixth floor, room 612; here's the key. Oh, and make sure to tell him that he can't say that I don't do him any favors." Sloth beamed.

...

"Almost done in there Envy dear?" Lust knocked on the door. Whenever Envy would get dressed, he always made Lust stand outside his room. He claimed it was because he was shy and didn't want people to look at him like that but Lust would argue that they were siblings and it didn't matter. Plus the fact that it was ironic as hell that a model was shy of dressing in front of others.

"Almost! Just give me a second." Lust sighed before reclining in an armchair. The busty woman began tapping her unusually long fingers against the arm of the chair in a nervous manner. She knew that their manager, Sloth, was about to explode in rage, which was quite rare, if they weren't down in the next second. Lust closed her eyes to rest and ease her mind a little bit before she heard a door creak open.

She had expected Envy's door to open and he was finally done dressing but instead she still saw the white door closed. She noted that it was odd but thought that Sloth must have entered the apartment again and was about to go on a responsibility rant. Lust sighed and walked slowly to the front of the apartment with a thick issue of Syn in hand for defense.

"Look sis I know Envy's taking a long time-" Lust stopped mid-step with one of her skyscraper stiletto shoes in the air. Sloth wasn't at the door; two strange blonde men were in her place instead. The only two emotions that processed through Lust's mind was fear and confusion as her already white porcelain face drained any color it had to began with.

"Hey, Lust. Have you seen Envy?-" The taller blonde was cut short as he felt a huge amount of pressure smack against his head. The blow caused Russell to drop to the floor as he held his head in agony. Lust didn't have time to check if that intruder had passed out like she intended since she immediately went for the other blonde intruder after hitting the first. Edward's golden eyes widened with fear as he threw his hands up to block any attacks from the violent, black-haired woman.

"Lust! It's me! Edward from Resembool! You remember us, right?" Edward practically cried out. It wasn't Ed's fault that he just sounded like a scared little girl; everyone would suddenly speak an octave higher if a violent Lust was involved.

The armed woman once again stopped mid-action before taking a closer look on the intruders. Edward flinched when he saw her gloved hand come toward his face but relaxed when he realized she held his face with a gentleness that of a mother. Everyone and everything in the room remained silent in an effort to prevent provoking the cautious woman. The silence was finally broken by a seemingly simple statement.

"Pipsqueak?" Lust quirked an eyebrow. This one word managed to send Ed into a furious rant about his height. Meanwhile, the injured Russell started to laugh his head off despite the throbbing pain in his head.

"Oh man, I remember why I've always loved Envy's family the best now," Russell smirked as he finally rose from the floor; his hand nursing a small bump on his head.

"Oh shut it Tringham!" Edward barked at the taller blonde. After the confusion had been cleared up, everyone started to ask each other questions at the same time. This not only got nothing accomplished but also caused a lot of noise. The same noise that would lure a certain palm tree from out of his room.

"What's going on in here?"

Author's note: I'm going to end here because...I'm evil XD I don't want the chapters to be really uneven in length from each other so blah. Let's see I got three pairings introduced so far: Ed and Winry (past), Edward and Envy, and Russell and Sloth. Thank you all for reviewing and remember always to lock your doors at night!


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